Sara Filanoski
School Jokes

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." 

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TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?

CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables! 

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TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?

JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it! 

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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O! 

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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

CLASS: George! 

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TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WILLY: Me! 

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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 

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SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

SYLVIA: Your name on this report card. 

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TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

JOSE: Don't bite any. 

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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." 

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Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand." 

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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then? 

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Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home. 

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At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 
5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks.

"I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers." 

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Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog! 

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Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Pupil : A teacher.